Salva Kiir to John Koang Nyuon: What is Up in Bor town Sir?
By PaanLuel Wel, Bor
January 27, 2015 (SSB) — Conversation between President Salva Kiir Mayaardit of the republic of South Sudan and Caretaker Governor John Koang Nyuon of Jonglei state.
Salva Kiir: Mr. Caretaker Governor John Koang Nyuon, I am informed by reliable source, and you know I don’t mean Sudan Tribune, that there is commotion in Bor under your leadership. What is going on sir?
Governor Nyuon: Yes sir, they are giving me headache just like they did to your majesty
Salva Kiir: Well, tell me, is it a coup?
Governor Nyuon: No, sir. You are funny. But hell no, not a coup. God forbid
Salva Kiir: Then don’t you dare putting me in that equation. You don’t know what I am undergoing from that cousin of yours.
Governor Nyuon: Riek is not my cousin sir, he is from Unity, am from Jonglei.
Salva Kiir: Tell me, what is going on in Bor?
Governor Nyuon: Some women have been arrested sir.
Salva Kiir: Women arrested? You mean you are arresting women? Are there no men in Bor? No, no, no, comrade…this thingyy of ours has not yet reach women. Get some men and lock them up like I did in Juba, remember?
Governor Nyuon: No sir, these are stubborn women sir. They want to overthrow me. Self-defense is natural right, remember
Salva Kiir: Well, for the record, tell me: why have you arrested women Mr. Governor?
Governor Nyuon: Because they were demonstrating
Salva Kiir: You mean in a peaceful demonstration?
Governor Nyuon: Yes sir
Salva Kiir: And so?
Governor Nyuon: They broke the law of our land, they broke the constitution of our democratically elected government.
Salva Kiir: What constitution?
Governor Nyuon: These women are soldiers. Dook Chuoor and Achol Dut are police women, and Angeth and Ayuen Garang are officers with the prison services. These are soldiers sir, not your average women. Soldiers are not allowed to demonstrate world over. Do you see the constitution now?
Salva Kiir: Surely, these women, ops, these soldiers, are playing with fire. I am the constitutionally elected president of this nation and no one should temper with the constitution. We respect our noble constitution and we are ready to die to protect, promote and preserve it.
Governor Nyuon: Amen Sir, amen, Halleluyah Bany Kiir Mayaardit
Salva Kiir: What about the other one, the other one i am hearing too?
Governor Nyuon: What other one sir? Do you listen to gossiping? Oh, sorry bany? I mean have you been correctly briefed sir?
Salva Kiir: Yes, I have been adequately briefed sir. I am told that you are dismissing Dinkas and replacing them with Nuers from the IDPs, those white army guys being protected and fed and clothed and armed by the UN, the UNMISS, the USA and the EU and the Ethiopians. I am also told that the local people complain that you (a Nuer) and your deputy (a Murle) and your finance minister (an Anyuak) are only ruling over the three counties of Greater Bor, that you have no authority whatsoever over the Nuer areas nor over the GPAA. I thought you are ruling Jonglei Sir. Are you only ruling the three counties of Bor, Twic East and Duk county and yet the governor, the deputy governor and the finance minister are non-Dinkas? And what is a Murle and Anyuak doing in Bor, didn’t I decreed them a new state, GPAA, in July 2014?
Governor Nyuon: That is rubbish Sir; I am the total and absolute ruler of all Jonglei state, from Nimule in the far South to Halfa in the far North, and from Geneinna in the far West to Hamshkoreib and Port Sudan in the East. You remember when Riek Machar’s rebels claim that you are not the president of the whole South Sudan but only of the Bahr el Ghazal region, that you only have the loyalty of Gogrial, of Warrap state and your Akon village? This is what these people are saying here, this is what they are doing to me, exactly as they have done unto you sir. Don’t you ever listen to them, believe them or ask me again about their nonsense. These people are rebels, ask Honorable Makuei Lueth walllahi.You asked about Anyuak and Murle and Kakwa and Shilluk and Taposa in Bor? Well sir, in Jonglei state under my able and wise leadership, our eternal motto is one state, one country, one people. It is not just that we believe in your great philosophy, we practice it.
Salva Kiir: Jeeeezzzzz. Hold on, where did I get my information from? Sudan Tribune?
Governor Nyuon: Yes sir, I bet so. You should dissolve that vampire newsgossiper. Just decree its dissolution this evening on our SSTV.
Salva Kiir: Wait a minute, I need to fire this dude first…..
Governor Nyuon: Me too, the husbands and male relatives of these soldiers are now demonstrating in Marol market, demanding their immediate and unconditional release. I need to fire someone for inciting them to interfere in military matters of our national army. Salva Kiir Oyeee, my governorship Oyeee.
Salva Kiir: President Kiir Oyee, Governor John Koang Nyuon Oyee!!
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