Should Dinkas Moderate their Daughters’ and Sisters’ Bride Price?
By Daniel Deng
Hello Brother, young Journalist Kon Joseph Leek!
I like your case, please take these items and verses which could assist you develop your dowry articles
Your ideas and contributions to the Dinka overarching marry systems has became somewhat problematic ranging from family deterioration to a temptation, however, it is not the parent’s problem for the girls to stay in their homestead for longer awaiting high dowry returns, but the girls failure to choice their longevity husbands once and for all, not a temporarily boy-friend. Especially If decided to be married unless she do not want to, then by all means they should pursue their obligation to love and to be love by anyone of their match. One upon a time, one of my close friends has been pushing for this social norm issue about marry-related dowry, unfortunately, no one turn up positively about his vision towards dowry reduction or no dowry payment at all.
In addition to your opinion, your sustainable suggestion would probably be underestimated, misunderstood and misperceived as you are trying to indirectly revealing your personal issue especially by the greedy communities in the same way like my poor friend who is currently working in Bank as an account already in Australia, because the worst case scenario in the Dinka tradition, not culture is that people start to yell out and shouted at you that, you should start with your own daughter if not sister, asking you not to worrying about others daughters or sisters, it is intimidating isn’t it!.
Eventually, we the Dinka are not sure who is driving who in marriages, who is misleading who, are they girls misleading their parents by not questioning for/ about true love, or are they parents misleading daughters or sisters for dowry. As you mentioned about “Hyena”, believe me, ugly has now became another beauty or handsome because of high dowry payments, with zero love it, it carries less future as well, then shortly later in marriages, true love will signal its existence and eventually fit itself in and penetrate into lifestyle at the expense of that relationship!, the girl definitely find herself with different lover, surely, a boyfriend for no cost or pressure to herself or both and positively stayed in love longer, free love. “Social Marxist” because none of them wasted each other such that one is superior to another favouring promiscuity type of mating system making them a happy couples despite fidelity.
At long last, it is neither the girls nor their parents, but it is the boys intending to marry problem. If the boys were to be patient and leks for girls to love them firstly and staying in love with together without initiating or mention about marry attracting dowry payments, then, there would be no power for a girls’ parents to demand dowry in such situation, cautioning that the tradition should not be abolish because of non-payment of dowry, this is the system where being shameless is the best, if it happens because you did not pay, then live your live that way and habituate their noise despite staying with their daughter.
In my opinion, the better way and probably one of the preferred solutions to dowry payment for girls is to stop paying nothing at all, it is not to reduce, because it has been already reduced by Mr Chief Ajang Duot and many others that followed. It has been reduced again by wars and instability in the nation (Sudan) many times and talked about many more times but no one has implement it, positively risen by lost boys and corrupted groups in Juba immediately after CPA, So this time is to stop it!, otherwise it depends on how desperate, frustrated marrying boys are, because their characters are driven by their circumstances, Any other possibility out is to problematise it as a problem of concern against development as in “poverty eradication” it should be done with due or inform research such that a viable policy could be put in place.
I know and I am aware that people are rigid and never understand their optimum social degradation due to “social-environmental change” for example, a group South Sudanese migrants living in the west and those corrupted and illiterate assumed ministers and other officials as you putted and the likes are boosting the dowry problem than the civil society living in the villages, this is an abuse of culture and its merits, marriage arrangement is a traditional customary deal to extend the generation and pride for the clanship to other unrelated clans in order to be related in a long run, it is not a commercial deal where you sell or buy once and go, of which you don’t need to see the dealer or the buyer again.
Unfortunately, this contemporary way of marriage has now resulted in more complex conflicts especially for lost boys in the west and their wives parents and mostly the wives themselves left in Bars and Hotels in East African, these poor in heart boys married ironically in a competitive attitudes, but has now turned into ever last grievances between their families including their wives family.
Furthermore, this is a matter of a “discursive “forum, where everyone’s concern would be adding to it. But to advice on this issue, intimidation is very high here especially when someone talks too much especially when “he/she have no daughter or sister” that could be the object of the subject. Nevertheless, not all Dinka but some saying, “there is no girl for the public or community” she is solely a property of the parents or relatives. Unfortunately, in the western world and civilised African countries, most of their girls, daughters or sister are losing houses, dumping, separating, divorcing or remains de-factor from their primary partners whom their parents chosen, why? , no answer because it is not and has not been problematised, however, cruelty, greed and dishonesty govern their parents or relative behaviours to threatening the husbands of their daughters or sisters should he ask or make any query to the matter traditionally.
It is rather sad to see these men, husbands and culture lovers doing multiple attempts to commit suicide, contrary, they should realise that marriages has changed from blessing and way forwards in culture to more evil temptation. They should also learnt from such circumstances and glean something positive and restructuring their mentality and continues live differently than killing themselves , that is a total misuse of being a man contrary women.
Other try for dowry stoppage is to marry for free not somewhere else but within the Dinka whose dowry is a big issue, such that your daughter from this Dinka woman will be given out in the future free as well , and definitely your sons will fall into the same footstep like you, because them, getting girls will not be that hard, your job as a father and your marrying sons is not to pay but assist your in-law in emergencies and associated issues beside being related to them, and continue to do these longer, do not bother about their gossiping attitudes about you including their mates complicity, it would not affect your income either.
Moreover, look for a girl that her mother has not been paid for or not paid off by her father, because it will be a shame for her father to demand, due to the above history. But helping them out is again a norm. Look for a girl that has no parents, or in particular, elder brother who is alive or active to bother you to pay, make sure you really love the girl and the girl loves you as well, date her and do not worry about her barking brother because a”barking dog do not stop the camel from drinking or continuing to walk pass by”. If the girl try to leave you at the expense of love then let her go in peace and do not promise her for any payment because you will likely to replant the diminishing dowry demons in your family that people are combating, no one out there will not hear the message about your separation with your partner; because everyone will be vigilance for any scamming girls for dowries not for love.
So, my question is, are girls likely to be scammers for dowry or are they just scared to disclose their silence about their sexuality in the Dinka tradition?, I would advise Dinka People who sales their girls that, most of these girls being force married, approximately 60 percent has knowledge about femalism, or radical femalism , not necessarily from school education but primarily from their peers , (divorced, separated or de-facto friends), this is a human right, a choice, it is the facts to dump an wanted lover any time, (really bad when the husband is old), this is the fact being hidden from those fools who are continuing paying dowry outside love, showing off, or trying to.
From year 1998- the present, most girls beautiful and smart/ clever are married to lost boys in abroad unlike those good looking boys and generals in juba, thereafter, those handsome boys and corrupted generals in Juba turns to smuggle these married girls to lost boys. Positively, If the girl is traditional too to abide with such tradition from her parents or relatives, then is perhaps a miracle or by good luck.
Oppositely, In Australia, children are born to secure house finances or income from the government as it is perceived by women, married women blackmails each other, then shortly after, separate or divorce completely to temporary/ presently enjoy this privilege, 70 percent of children are not for family, cultural or generational extension in that nation any more.
Most Relationships has turned into ex-nuptial systems where children are born outside marry relationship and never have father registration details for these births, and some are either classical or cooperative relationship, where a man carrying for children that are not their own or they are a mixture of theirs and others in the same house, where 35 percent of man currently living in the houses are not the initial partner who has paid the dowry, but just for cooperative breeding purpose, those kind of men are either irresponsible, scare about high dowry payment or they just don’t care about culture or life itself” very good “refugia” for most women who “gamble with marriages”. This is the currently functioning system practice by Dinka women in Australia. At least 15 per of relationships are pure, or straight marriages.
Unfortunately, we cannot stop this practice because everything that we do in our traditional way in to enhance better relationship is not valid in the court of law in Australia ( not legal), what is legal is do not pay and continue to live together as long as you wish, it is a free love system, and indeed less tormenting. As far as I know, no one migrant relationship will be recognise in the west, because there is a bit of discrimination and racism involves to keep these migrants future penetration in the system reasonably low, once the authority internally called in to resolve your family crises being perpetuated by most women, then there is no way near better in that relationship once you a migrant or slave if you are wise, you are subjected to an immediate separation and then worsen by your own community mentors between you and your separated wife, this is politically done such that you commits a crime that you where not intended to commits after intervention order which will extend your stay away from your wife Children (more about interest), so people from Dinka tradition must start to make their relationship a bit flexible within the dowry code such that one in a relationship can choose to leave or stay without any disadvantage regardless of children in between.
The children will choose later when they are grown between ages 10- 18. The bad part of all these is that, their mother will likely be susceptive to men in the street and will eventually have less or no full attention for children to positively tend their reasonable age with good health statues!, most women will be freely given alcohol and drugs by their temporally partners as part of the assumed enjoyment just to calm their stress and increase their short term social happiness. By Coincident, If these happened, then it is a bad luck, we wish it doesn’t.
Finally, what good is it to die for a marry relationship or cultural issues than to die for the country? , in my view, marry relationship is not life but just a supplement to fulfil the obligation duty of the culture, in particular to have children to extend the next generation. It should not be commercialise in one sense risking such radical attitude towards girls and boys to spend their century in sorrow whatsoever. Dinka women or others are and get easily adapted to the western or any new systems than men, who keep on with the culture that is why men are trapped all way like rats by women whom they traditional married to. Women know exactly what they are doing despite the criminal intent it carries, being paid off is a nightmare to them it is not their problem it is only a problem of her parents and the husband, very smart tactic.
However, once they dumped they husbands, women tend not to even associate with their parents or relatives, and they spend the rest of their lives in the hideout with their new boy-friends or whichever way they called them. This situation is very confusing even if some women still show up in the community, they still don’t participate to resolve the matter traditional, where it should start and ended traditionally. Some are somewhat snitchy including their parents or relatives as they could agree on the matter, so a man has to pursue relativism here about such bulshit.
It is good to continue to advocate for it (dowry), do not talk about reduction but talk about stoppage of dowry, it does not equate any development especially to those new married couples at any condition, it is definitely jeopardising, stigmatising and of cause “a tragedy of the common”, because in the Dinka tradition not South Sudanese, everyone gets married but this problem of dowry is outraging, it is doing others good for now but doing other to hell for life. In 2009 a guy from Ayual clan in Twic East, figured out to the public in my present that,” they are not those who had or having wedding that are good couples, boy or girls but they are those who will live and stay together for life that are” on that day I gave him a full marks for his overwhelming attention speech to the Dinka public.
In this notation, relationships now days are about saying longer, they are not about staying forever! For the girls, young Beauties are the most awful enemies of better relationship than old or moderate beauties. Likewise for boys, handsome are the big fish than the least handsome and are likely to takeover those single women who deserve handsome in the first place risking their good reputation and dignity. In the Dinka traditions, it is mostly ok to married a single woman as long as you have married to a real girl before despite she has left you already or she still there has a first wife.
But for the modern lifestyle, young (men) people don’ just cares. May be they take it as for now and they will marry a girl later or something, I still don’t understand! Other hard component is that divorced women are desperately shopping for young boys than ordinary girls, they are competing with even their own daughters in winning such boys, and it is crazy enough. There used to be a taboo in the Dinka tradition even to other tribes in South Sudan, traces that, if the woman has two or more children, then she cannot be remarried to anyone.
But in the new world, it is folk, these women are the problematic groups who chase after young boys in the daylight, it is rather astonishing, the only good news and better alternative progress in the west is that, girls don’t reject men (you) because they are divorced, separated or being dumped by their wives or partners, they reject men because they are living with their legal or married wives in the same house!, Really happy life here. As long as a man has money, and a former partner is not intending to come back or you the man do not want her back. That is very fine
What women don’t understand is that, every man’s house culture is the same, it is related to dowry payments which incur more tough supervision on wives or partners than for come and-stay couples, that is why women prefer living as singles despite being paid off by her husbands, so for you to develop a good understanding surrounding dowry and relationship, it is far destructing than sustaining at this era, having marry relationship as an alternative in life at the expense of good education in the first place and ended up in a miserable situations is a very big mistake.
For further information, It is very sad that many young boys aged 24 – 35 are now taking and going out with married women age 28 -45 than going out with young girls of their age group, despite these women are keeping, living or staying with their husbands or not, these women are likely to their mothers in real sense, it is shocking. Amazingly, these women support this situation as well, that why they are shameless to do it.
So, what is going on here could come from different outlook and perspectives such as:
1. Dowry pressure for the real girls
2. Girls attitudes failing to respect their good lifestyle including courtships
3. Alcohol and drugs making every woman looks princess
4. Costless to make a deal with already married women than new
5. Envy and jealousy towards others including their initial husbands
6. Poverty from such women in their houses
7. Less handsome husbands maybe too short, too tall, too dark. Less clean, too controlling, lose of driver’s licence, drink too much, no teeth, spend less on outing or not going out at all, don’t dressing up good , too religious, no good hair, less or no formal academic etc.
Finally, now days, marrying a girls or a woman is of no difference at all, girls are less attractive to boys than women (single mothers) base on its cost Benefit analysis (CBA), this has to be extensively research and adhere with its outcomes. Unfortunately, those disabled man and women of all sorts (boys and girls), aging girls and boys, poor groups and grown orphans have to die that way without getting married. It is a “letting die system”. This is an exercise of sovereignty and bio-politics scenario.
Regards
Deng Daniel MD
Your Local Environmental Geographies and population scientist
Also from South Sudan
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