The Suppression of Women: Their Over-Independence and Broken Families
By Kastro Deng (Bor-Princè Mèngistu), Australia
April 29, 2015 (SSB) —- Politics, especially the one that pertains to South Sudan’s state of affairs, is no doubt the most discussed topic among South Sudanese youth, particularly the male segment of the population. It is discussed to a magnitude of neglecting other issues of concern. I wish to divert attention from the hardline politics, to a communal problem facing some South Sudanese families here in Australia. The topic has to do with purported suppression of women and their threat to patriarchy, which is manifested through behavioral-changes,as a result of their ‘over-independency’. Whenever participants on social media attempt to deliberate on this topic, its discussion is conducted in a manner that is disdainful and substantially superficial.
There is a basic philosophy that we as human beings ought to observe and live life in adherence to. It pertains to the role that both genders play in raising families. Nature has charged men with two simple duties; namely, to protect and provide for all women and children under their guidance, whereas their female counterparts assume the duty of nourishing and catering to the needs of those who are under their care. As long as males and females do not compromise the duties assigned to opposite gender -without mutual consent -euphoria is inevitable. It is when we get our roles mixed up – men start playing women’s role and vice versa – that families start to have problems. For example, a male would feel threatened if a woman provides for the family and subjects him to culinary duties. This situation has the potential to cause domestic-strife,particularly if the male hails from a culture or society where it is taboo for men to perform housework, as per the norms and customs held and observed by practitioners of the culture.
Why do men feel threatened by women’s success/independence?
Men, especially those from patriarchal cultures, born and bred in a society where it is a norm for a lady to love and cater for them, while they protect and provide in return, will most likely react harshly,against any adopted-lifestyle that puts culture into question. In occasions where roles are reversed and ladies start providing for the family, patriarchal-culturati would feel threatened because what they deem psychologically and practically normative (patriarchy)becomes obsolete.There are instances where males’ reaction is, without a doubt,unjustifiable. However, there are occasions where their reactions are warranted and justifiable. Discussing these specific instances is the aim of this article.
When are men’s negative reactions toward women’s independence NOT justifiable?
A man’s hostility towards a woman due to her success is especially not justifiable if the woman’s independence is not necessarily a threat to culture. There are ladies out there with real aspirations, to be successful and to raise affluent families. In all honesty,there is nothing wrong with that. In the context of a South Sudanese family for example, it means a woman is able to assist her man with basic responsibilities including taking care of herself, caring for her own children, financially supporting her side of family and to a certain degree, assume other responsibilities,which would otherwise weighted on…her husband’s shoulders.It means that a woman do not have to be entirely dependent on her man. What is wrong with the sharing of responsibility?
This is beneficial to men, especially husbands who are into polygamy (widely-practiced). Suppressing a woman that only desire to be successful benevolently and who intents not to violate culture in anyway is an unjust contravention of her freedom. Therefore, it is a laudable practice to encourage women to be successful and independent, as so long as their ‘financial independence’ does not seek to change the role(s)that they represent in men’s lives. Males’ misconception of the women’s independence should be discouraged.Us men need to understand that, empowered women educate their children well, who in turn empowers the society. We always brag about the need for economic development. It is worth noticing that an economic growth has a synergetic relationship with social-well being. So put an end to suppression of women and be supportive to their quest to succeed.
When are men’s reactions towards women’s‘over-dependency’ reasonable?
Some women take their state of independence way over their heads. For simplicity, lets consider the issue of financial over-independence. Lets bring the discussion back to its context and look at situation of an average South-Sudanese family residing in Australia. Following the initiation and implementation of the Government Funded Family-Daycare Program, a number of South Sudanese women have become wealthy, as a result of their participation in the program.Now consider this hypothetical scenario: A woman starts earning more than her husband, hence contributes more to the family budget. As she assumes the role of being the primary provider, she starts to believe that her status in the family is elevated beyond her man, thus she starts to exhibit behavioral changes, for instance__dictating most of the family decisions.As she becomes more authoritative, her decisions become incompatible with husband’s views. In light where she shows no willingness to remedy her decisions,a conflict of interest arises;eventually the husband would cave in or else! You know, the triple zero service is always at her disposal.
The more men are dictated to, the more agitated they become. In patriarchal societies, men’s dependency on women is deemed as a negative distortion to culture. Sometimes, some manipulative and cunning women take advantage of men’s dependency and use it as an opportunity to challenge men’s manhood and emasculate them. Men’s subjection to such circumstances leads to distress. Consequently, men start taking measures in an attempt to overcome their ordeals. Some men would resort to excessive consumption of alcohol and (sometimes) other toxic substances with intentions of easing the resultant afflictions. But as we all know, the effects of intoxicants in the body subside over time and men start to face the same problems. As an alternative, others choose to go to popular rendezvous to play games (dominoes and cards) with other idle or afflicted men just to keep their brains occupied (stress free) or to kill time. For some to alleviate themselves from distress, they look elsewhere for comfort, here they would often find love or run into more problems. Worse comes to worst when men fall victim to the insensitively expressed vanities of other successful acquaintances,who belittle them,exacerbating their already low self-esteems.
Even more concerning is the situation where‘financially well off ladies”up-grade their love lives by romanticizing more successful bachelors than their previous partners. This results in the women leaving their old lovers miserable, in mental-states of solitude and despair. Nevertheless, when the reality becomes unbearable, domestic violence ensues, further intensifying a tense situation and fracturing the family. The aftermath of losing one’s wife is it too painful, that it can only be compared to a pain of a sinner whose soul has been subjected to an infinite torment. In the case of a nuclear family, children’s fates are unaccounted for. Their aspirations turn to façades of unattainable hopes. What was once a happy home is demolished and turned into debris of shattered dreams. A wife is to man a symbol of pride and his children are a source of happiness. Surely, this explains why men in some cultures commit themselves to pay an exorbitant quantity of money or heads of cattle as bride price.Thus one can only imagine the severity of pain that a lost of such social investment precipitates.
To sum it all up, the above-mentioned hypotheses might not be ideal representations of reality. However, I hope they are close enough to depict real life scenarios responsible of breaking families apart. Thorough research has not been done on this topic, though it would be helpful, but the purpose of this paper is to divert attention to matters that are as worthy of attention as political topics that often take the center-stage of discussion. It is imperative that men do not feel threatened by women’s success. Not all women are malevolent towards their male partners once independent. As emphasized above, their well-guided success is advantageous to our (men) well-being and to the society at large. Therefore,it is vital that we acknowledge and support women’s social, economic and political development.
Moreover, females should not let their independence compromise culture. While it is perfectly fine to be an independent woman, to be in charge of yourself and your assets, and of course to show-off your luxurious kitchen and living room to your girlfriends as a result of your independent labor always do so modestly. Do not take your independence over your head. Know when not to tamper with what your culture requires of you. Most importantly, be in a position to play a woman’s role in a man’s life. Despites your success, be his lover and a source of emotional support, as he endeavors to be your protector and a provider. Perpetuate culture, for you cannot change patriarchy with belligerence or arrogance. Yes culture is not static; it changes with time. But even then, one cannot change the course that Mother Nature has pre-ordained for them. We have seen how the female gender in all species is so protective of their young. No one taught the Hen to be over-protective of her chooks. The same goes for human mothers. The uniformity of tender love and nourishment was bestowed upon females by nature.To females, it is an inescapable trait. Allow nature to take its toll, all must continually preserve what nature has vested upon them.
Disclaimer: This work is entirely based on opinion. No research is incorporated. The scenarios in this piece are all hypothetical and the presented information is based on a general observation. The piece aims to present an important topic of discussion that is not political. The hypotheses incorporated are building blocks, which the discussion can be deliberated upon. Discussing such matters enables an avenue of learning and derives ways to prevent consequential choices or decisions.
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