The Evil of Polygamy: The Sorcery of Adulterous Marriage
“Jealousy is part of humanity. I wouldn’t want to become good friends with my husband’s hot and educated new bride especially when she didn’t have kids yet. There would be inevitably his favorites. This would cause a lot of bad feelings between the women. It would be a constant game of comparison even the kids would be compared against each other. The whole concept in practice is psychologically abusive,” fumed one feminist against the evil of polygamy.
Amer Mayen Dhieu, Brisbane, Australia
June 9, 2015 (SSB) — There are several traditional practices that confer low self-esteemed and questionable societal status on women, particularly our South Sudanese ladies. Some of these outdated practices are humiliating enough because they are imposed upon them by those they thought would never hurt their souls.
One of these abhorrent practices is polygamy, an arrangement where a man marries more than one wife.
Back in the days, pros and cons of polygamy were deliberated in term of societal needs and expectations. For example, a man who is married to more than one wife was more likely to have many kids that later become source of his wealth.
Men who marry more than one wife at a time do have large amount of extended family that he counted on at a time of hardship. His female children get married with hundreds of cows and other goods.
That, however, doesn’t denote that those who are caught in the middle of this questionable practice are happier more than their peers. There are times polygamous marriage become extremely complicated with spousal fights and quarrels.
Unlike today’s men, men in the sixteen-century were more responsible in handling family matters. A man who is married to two women knew better how to divide his wealth equally between his two families as well as loving them and caring for them equally.
Meanwhile, in contemporary era, things have completely changed—for the worse for our menfolk. Marriage has clearly become union of “two” people. This is because today’s women “tend to care about exclusive romantic way more than men, who are more interested in sex and variety.”
One major factor that polygamy family has to deal with is jealousy. No matter how much effort a polygamist put into his marriage, women that are involved in polygamist relationships feel enormous perceived unfairness in terms of love and financial security.
Most “established needs of women are impossible to be met in a polygamist marriage” Things like ongoing affection, one on one conversation and relationship attributes such as “honesty and openness and help with kids” are rarely keep.
Sad part of it is the old Dinka’s saying—”Tieel e Diaar Mooc”—does not only brew among the multiple wives of polygamists but also among their children especially when some of the children feel not being given much needed attention by their distracted fathers.
With all the pros and cons of polygamy, the pertinent question is: is the practice of taking more than one wife in and of itself the main subject? The answer, which is as ugly as polygamist, is that the practice is bad but what make it more odious are the chauvinistic men who practice polygamy.
With keen examinations of the various polygamists each of us had had contact with in our polygamous South Sudan communities, there is observation that polygamy is nothing but an exchange of what was once a gold to the man himself.
Arguably, first marriages of polygamists are always the golden memory of their lifetime. The first wife often remains the queen of the family until the other woman burst in, only to mess up the hard-earned principles and values of the households.
You have heard of family breakdown among polygamists because the husband has brought in a second brand new wife, or of kids and mother getting abandoned because of this new bride.
It makes one wonder why these men really want bunch of women when they are not going to treat them equally.
By looking at it through this particular angle, it is not only the practice of polygamy itself that make it ugly but the chauvinistic men that are indulging in this detestable habit—men who take on something they don’t have the capacity to maintain—who are the main problem, both to themselves and the family that suffered irreparably.
No matter what the circumstance, however, women are forever the primary victims of polygamy. By definition, polygamy is an “institution of marriage that serve as both a shield for and weapon of sexist behavior”. In simple logic, one person is here controlling and having more power over more than the number that is himself. The ugly side of it is people in this group that are being overshadowed are of women gender.
Beside all the controversies, the most disappointing issue is continuation of this abusive practice by the so-called intellectual or educated women in our society. These women are either selfish or being completely ignorant of the practice that is clearly a source of oppression to women.
It is one part of our sisterhood that is being exchanged for, abused with, another; it is purely a practice where one woman is robbing her fellow woman with what is meant to be hers alone.
Many cultures have changed with time but the culture of having several wives have regained the spotlight in the twenty-first century especially among Dinka women. People thought education would one day render obsolete this doubling up of more than two humans by one man.
Instead of ebbing out for good, polygamous marriage is roaring back with renew fury.
The very first groups of women—the educated ones that I thought would initiate and invigorate the long overdue societal eradication this repugnant practice—are the ones strengthening it.
There are, amidst us, a dozen of much stronger and educated women that are married to polygamists. This is selfish. It is arrogant. We should be more concern for the poor women that have already signed marriage contract with these men.
Polygamy does not affect educated and strong women because they know how to live independently should the man get remarried once more but it affects the poor educated, helpless women.
Educated girls should lead the fight against polygamy. Our sisters whose husbands have been snatched away by predators literally become single mothers with no help, with no love and with no mutual support, especially when their marriages have been wrecked apart.
In some ways, we are unwittingly subjecting them to living standards that are much akin to living with no husband when their husbands are still alive.
Saying no to polygamy mean helping your sister to have valuable relationship and meaningful life. Speaking against polygamous marriage saves your daughter from partaking in such an oppressive practice when she become of age.
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