The Price of Tradition: The Tale of Adeng’s Bittersweet Marriage

By Makoi Mayen Chiengan, Rumbek, South Sudan

Reposted from 02 August 2021 (PW) — Adeng, at age 15, was forced to marry a 75 year old man by her parents. She is very beautiful and intelligent. She is liked by every man at first sight. But she rejected all the men in the village. To her, they were not her class. She is waiting for a boy who is studying in Kampala. They promised that they would marry each other once they were done with their university studies. She wants to be a doctor while her boyfriend wants to be an engineer. Although Adeng loves the man so much, she didn’t sleep with him. And the boy respected her decision.

Adeng comes from a poor family. They told her in plain words that they could not afford to send her to university. That she should get married.

One day, an old man came and asked her parents for her hand in marriage. The parents demanded 100 cows and he agreed to pay the number. One evening, Adeng was informed of the decision and was told that she was being informed as a matter of formality. That the only option she has is to accept and respect the decision.

On the agreed day and date, she was forced to marry the old man.

The young girl thought of the possibility of running away but she was held back by the 100 cows her husband paid and which had been squandered by the family in less than a year. If she tries to divorce the old man, her family will have to pay for his cows for the next ten years or the marriages of her father, brothers and uncles will go up in smoke as well. She is also tired of the poverty she has been through. She finds relief in that she lives in a decent house and fetches her water from the wall instead of the kilometers she used to walk. She has never owned a phone before but she is a proud owner of the latest Iphone. Never been to a city before but now lives in Lavington in Nairobi. She goes to the best saloons to have her hair done. She is chauffered around in the limo called V6. Life is generally good for her. She begins to settle grudgingly and quickly forgets the young man she promised to marry.

It is five years now and they have three kids. These kids were all born in state of the art hospitals in Nairobi. The old man turns 80. He begins to complain of back pain and pain in the chest. His blood pressure is high as well. The young girl, now twenty, takes care of him like her life depends on him. Which is actually true. Her life depends on him. The old man becomes withdrawn and distraught. Never care anymore about the kids’ birthdays. Never take them out. Never chat and play with them. Never ask about their results at that International American school.The kids notice this lukewarm attitude but they continue to love their dad.

It is not that the old man has something against the kids and their mother. The old man is thinking hard and deep. Obviously, he has never felt like that before. Old age is catching up with him. Here is senescence. Facing him squarely in the eyes. He is sick. Very sick. This sickness is going to take his life. He has been to the best hospitals in Nairobi but to no avail. He has gone to see his personal doctor in Pretoria. The results were bad. He has a hole in his heart. And stroke. Damn. That was like a death sentence. The old man doesn’t want to share this bad news with the mother of his kids. His daughter who was very hostile in the beginning but has become the best wife and mother anyone would ask for. She treats him, the old man, like a king. Spoil him with love and gifts. Despite having not gone past round one, this lady has been content. She never cheated on him for the past five years. Those little naughty cousins of her husband who tried to play monkey games with her were reported to the old man and they were duly dismissed from the house. Never to return again. How will I pay this woman back? He asks himself. What will happen to her and the kids when I die? He wonders.

He moved down his memory lane. The old man spent most of his youth fighting the liberation wars. He joined Anyanya one when he was 21 years. When the Addis Ababa Peace Accord was signed, he was absorbed into the national army and he resumed his studies.

He completed his university education. He was then taken to a military college for three years. He graduated with two stars. He again decided to enroll for a Masters program. He graduated three years later with spectacular results.

He was about to settle down with a certain girl when the war broke out. He didn’t want to go to the bush again. His salary is good. He can marry and have a family. His salary can keep them going. Besides, he can teach at the University. In fact, one Aluel is head over heels in love with him. It is just a matter of time before they say their “I dos”. But then, Southern Sudanese in the army, more especially the Officers, were seen as moles for the SPLA by their northern counterparts and were constantly harrassed even by those below in ranks.

Not willing to tolerate such humiliation, the old man made up his mind. He had to join the rebels. He called Aluel to come over to his house. After juice was served, he broke the news. Aluel, I am going home to inform my family about our marriage. I will be back soon. He says. You can’t be serious. When we are left with only two weeks before our wedding. Aluel retorts angrily. Something tells me you are going to join the rebels. In that case, let’s go together. Aluel adds. The old man told Aluel he was going to collect his share of cows from home so that he could sell them and come back to conduct one of the biggest marriage ceremonies ever witnessed in Khartoum. Aluel didn’t believe a word and broke down in tears. That was the last time they saw each other.

The old man spent the next 21 years in the bush. Then the CPA was signed. The old man was so committed to the struggle that he didn’t find time to marry. In fact, he was once critically injured. He was shot in the thigh by the enemy. But he can walk well. They came to town and the old man hoped all his woes were over since he was the right hand man to the Leader of the SPLM/SPLA. In another turn of horrible things to come, the leader of the SPLA was killed in the chopper crash. And a new leader, who once had clashes with the old man, took over. It will be ten bitter years before his luck strikes.

This luck came from “the stone he threw ahead” as the Dinka say. This was a brilliant student from a different Dinka clan he helped get a scholarship during the bush days. This gentleman went and studied hard and graduated with good results. Because he comes from the clan of the leader of the Movement, he got a good position in the government. He became rich, married many wives, bought many cars and grabbed hectares of land.

During one drinking session with buddies, he asked himself where he got all his riches from. The leader of the movement of course. He says to himself. No, it is not the leader of the movement. He contradicts himself. It is that man who fought those who were to give the scholarship I won to an undeserving person because the boy happened to be the son of a captain. He says.

He immediately got up and went home. He called a man from the old man’s clan and asked if he knew the old man. The man said no. He tried with several people. The search was futile.

Then one day he saw a man who sells dollars by the roadside. He tried his luck for the last time. The man said he knew him. That he was wasting away in a very remote village. He asked the man to bring him to the city and promised that he would pay him 5000 USD if they come in a week. That was how the old man’s Epiphany came about. He was brought to the city. He was taken to the best boutiques to buy the outfits of his choice. He was taken for medical check ups and became a healthy old man again.

The young man advised him to marry. He decided to marry a kind, tall, beautiful and intelligent school girl in the village. The marriage was done and he and the wife bought a house in Nairobi and 150, 000 USD deposited in their account.

Now they have depleted the money in the bank. No relative knows where they are. The young man, who helped him, unfortunately died two years ago.

The old man stopped thinking and he cried. When his wife asked him why he was crying, he collapsed and became unconscious. He was rushed to the hospital and three days later, he was pronounced dead.

To be continued….

NB: this story is fiction.

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