PANGS OF SORROW

Posted: June 17, 2017 by PaanLuel Wël in Junub Sudan, Poems.

BY ADOL AKUEI, ELDORET, KENYA

young girl with a gun

A young lady with a gun on guard during Governor Philip Aguer visit to Anyidi payam, Bor County, Jan 2016

Mike,

You have forgotten me completely

The abandoned soul I have become

I am no longer loved and being coddle like a child, the way you used to do sometimes back

Those beautiful roses’ flowers, full of fragrance odor in me gone

Those beautiful melodious duets gone

That used to charm the robins to beautifully crochet

Replaced by your masculine smacks hatchet

The arms that used to hold me warmly, full of affection are the same that are breaking my ribcage

Those well created hands, so pristine, with your five digits are now slapping me

The glorious face that was always admired by you

I am done

I am gone

I am torn

Why doing this to me Mike, my husband?

(She became emotionally driven off in talking her mind out that had suffered gradually for 14 years)

Look at me Mike, in this hell bound home

Where vendetta is the bread and honey of the normal daily chores

Better my father’s house where I was

Plump enormously

Innocent gleefully

Guileless gratefully

Well-built lady full of spasms of joy

Is this the reward you promised me Mike, during our dating periods?

Mike,

Look at my face once more darling

Is it still dwindling?

Ugly like a warthog it looks, I believe so

A cursed face full of pimples and wrinkles

Look at my body; very thin and so old like methuselah yet I am still young

Look at my back; so bend as if I am genetically suffering from hypnosis

Look at my nipples; you used to described as “beautiful breast like that of a young gazelle”

They have been sucked by your four kids until the apocrine secretion is fully haliated

You expected me to be young again, so that you love me once more

To be beautiful like a hanging garden of Babylonia

By God I cannot, come rain come sunshine and could that be the reason why you loathe me like this Mike?

 –

Mike,

I am raising your kids responsibly

I am working for you and your family

I backbite you not

Always proud of your knots

I am always up in that winter season, to warm your water for bathe

I am always with you in the worst storms at the sea

And you want to quietly divorced me

Bringing me a divorce certificate

Locking me up in the prison of myself

Prison of no peace

Prison of guilt

Prison of doom

Prison of death

Prison of shame

Why the father of my children, why killing me silently?

Tell me what I did wrong

You are giving me cancer

Brain tumors

Stroke

High blood pressure

(Voice from Mike, furious and armed to the teeth)

“For heaven shake, you are not a woman

A hypocrite in my house is what I will not entertain totally

I will never forgive you till thy kingdom come

You never respected my people

You even insulted my mother, calling her “old woman for-nothing- to live for”

I beat you, you never change

To hell with you today woman

Forget those bright petals

Forget those instrumentals

Forget those valentines

They were to bring you home

But the home in you as a magpie is worse than the graveyard

I have no comprise”

(Juliet’s voice to her,” mother- in- law”)

“My mother- in- law,

Where is my book?

My book of life, I want to write to my husband

To appeal for justice

You know everything in this domicile mother

You know how I took good care of you

You know the work I used to do in this home

Fetching water at the crack of dawn

Fetching firewood in that damn bush full of hyenas at dusk

Taking the children to school in the early morning

Building the houses roofs to avoid the leakage

Working on the family farm which you cannot do in that old age mother

Preserving your “milk” always

God knows, if I ever disrespected you mother since I came into this home as a bride in full glory

What have I done to face all these mistreatment from your son mother?

You also went on rumormongering that I insulted you

Mother tell me the truth, even the gray hair on your head is for truth, not charlatans’

I am a human being

Don’t make me feel deserted”

(Juliet’s voice to her,” father- in- law”)

“My father- in- law,

Where is my book?

My book of life, I want to write to my husband

To appeal for justice, I am not the “belle mother of Emily” anymore as you both used to called me

Do I not cook food for your son and he sometimes ignored?

That pains me a lot, father

Do I not care for the homestead and he leave it in ignorance?

That is my duty, father

Do I not till the land, milk the cow and do my duties and he did nothing, let alone bringing home food?

Though he does not appreciate, father

Do I not tread on the write paths of our customs and he seemed not to know?

That is what a woman is expected to do, father

Have I ever left home, up to wee hours like he does?

Yet he called me a harlot like Gomer in the bible, father

Have I ever pin pointed you as my father in this home?

You all know it squarely, father

Do I deserve kicks and blows even when I was expecting?

Imagine a “mother of his children”, father

Why does he want to divorce me awkwardly like that?

Deliver justice, father

Talk to your son, father

He is playing me a macabre game

Darts of mediocrity

If you failed and tend to favor your son, God will judge me, a genuine judge with my followers of truth”

(Juliet’s voice to her,” brothers, sisters and cousins- in- laws”)

My brother, sisters and cousins- in- laws,

Where is my book?

My book of life, I want to write to my husband

To appeal for justice, after being with him in those fourteen years of marriage just full of tortures

Though I am used to it, he blind fully wants to dumb me off the life in shatters

How has life always been with you?

Are those “flies” still in your food?

Are you still complaining of education?

Are you still at the lower level of your abilities?

Was I not the change to your family?

Did I not raise you as my own children from my womb?

Your brother is divorcing me awkwardly without justice

That I didn’t go well with you

If you all know the truth, tell him and let justice prevails”

(Juliet’s voice to her,” neighbors”, very tense)

“My neighbors,

Where is my book?

My book of life, I want to write to my husband

To appeal for justice that is long death profound in this damn home

You all hear what always go on in this compound

You all know the cross I am carrying in this home

I am the donkey

I am an object of derision

I am the naïve

I am the goon

I am no bigwigs

I am everything that poison their life

Neighbors, you know the truth, the bitter truth about

The genesis of all these

I must make it official

I cannot keep quiet, get mistreated and to be divorced in that barbaric manner

I cannot condone

I am done

Please pass me a rightful verdict

It’s no paradise”

(Juliet’s voice finally to the council of elders, more vigorous and agile)

Oh my elders,

Where is my book?

My book of life, I want to write to my husband

To appeal for justice that is long lost in this family hood where I am rob of my own rights as a woman

Elders, who is a “good woman” as the customs dictate?

You all know my relationship with this family

Never smooth

Uncouth

Disappointing

Migraine

Am I an outcast to be divorce in this unlawful and disrespectful manner?

To be insulted and kicked off the house

Was I an evil eye as in the traditions?

I am a harlot as in the traditions?

Am I an adulterer as in the traditions and bible?

Am I lazy and lackadaisical as our traditions is despising?

Am I unproductive, barren to be divorce as in the customs?

Why elders is your son doing me this in your face and you are quiet?

No one came for my arsenal

I wish justice prevails, elders of this land”

(Voices from the council of elders with the eventual remarks of reunion in the “accursed” family)

“We have heard you Lady Juliet of the honored land

You have stood out for the truth

Bitter truth

Naked truth

White truth

Your husband is a cunning fabricator of falsehood, we know him since childhood

He is going to face the council of elders, explain in blue prints why divorcing you, “mother of our clan”

We will resolve the case

Take back your belongings to the house

Your husband will be dealt with according to the laws of land

Take heart”

(Juliet’s voice going back to the house after the retreat)

“Although I walk in the valley of the shadow of the death

The Lord will always be with me

In my fight for what is right for me

In my thoughts

In my body

In my soul

In my heart

And may my Mike change to be my paradise of life instead of a hot furnace of hell”

(Mike’s relatives’ voices calling on Juliet as she comes back)

“Welcome back home Juliet, we never wish you to leave us

No one will take good care of us as you did

Let that fool called Mike repeat it, we will kill him, welcome once more”

(Neighbors’ voices welcoming Juliet back to her home)

“That is what we knew our sister, you have the truth and you are as innocent as a new born infant

Mike will face the consequences from the council of elders

You really fought for your rights and truth in a mature way our sister, welcome back to your home”

(Mike’s mother voice to Juliet lamenting on the justice)

“I am so sorry of the all the atrocities I hurled on you bewilderingly

I am convinced by your good character and by my instincts all throughout our stay that you are good woman

My son was a fool to decide divorce on you, welcome back home my daughter”

(Mike’s father voice to Juliet on the justice and irked by his son’s behavior)

“My daughter, you are a good woman ever in this family, your husband is the most fool

The truth is known and you are never wrong my daughter, you will never get such mistreatments and tortures anymore

You are the bread winner in this family and may the grace of our Lord God follow you all days of your life

Justice is prevailed and you are innocent, you fought for it a great deal

Welcome back home my daughter”

 –

(Mike’s voice calling on Juliet)

“The lady of the honored land, JULIET, I am ashamed, welcome back home my love, my darling”

CURTAINS

(And there followed a long lived life full of peace and joy in the family after that reconciliation,

Juliet and Mike rediscovered themselves, put aside their indifferences and tend to raise their children

And this was the hallmark of their life which was seen when they celebrated their thirty years of marriage in jubilation)

(PS, this poem focus on motivating women in different diversities to stand out and fight for what is right for them in all ways possible even in their homes after marriage as  the patriarchy society is full of male chauvinistic characteristics that undermine women. This poem is a true narration from one of the successful family woman in a thanksgiving ceremony, 2015 draft)

 

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Comments
  1. Thon says:

    Wow….So educative .

    Like

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