by Tearz Ayuen
You broke ass son of a hunter
Do you know who you’re messing with?
Do you have an idea who the fuck I am?
You seem to know nothing about me, uh?
I am the son of the president
Did you hear that?
My dad is the president
Read my lips, preee-ssssi-denn-t
We run this country
We rule you, motherfucker
We own everything in it;
The airport, the police, the army, the rivers and mountains, the wildlife,
The oil, the banks, the hospitals, the media, the mountains,
The roads, the whole city
We own you and your poor parents
We’ve got your lives in the palm of our hand
We decide who lives and who dies
That’s our responsibility,
We can raise taxes,
Quadruple food prices,
And hoard basic food items like flour,
Sugar, bread and milk
If we like,
Just to cleanse the country of roaches like you
I could call my dad right now to instruct his boys to do it
And believe me, by the end of six months,
You would have starved to death
As a wild fire consumes savannah grassland in summer,
So would hunger and diseases feast on your siblings
Or there are so many ways to kill a rat
We could just shut all the windows of survival,
With exception of only one
Guess what it is
It’s your sister, fool
We could mold her into something else,
A sex trade commodity
We could turn her into a hawker,
A professional prostitute,
Who would satisfy my dad’s business friends’ sexual adventures
Imagine how much she would be getting in exchange of her body
With only one source of income, you people wouldn’t die quickly though
But slowly and painfully,
Both physically and emotionally
So, what makes you think I can’t enter this club with my Nine?
Like I told you earlier,
We own everything
This nightclub is also my dad’s
I have access to it,
Whether I am carrying an RPG or 50 Cal
It’s none of your fucking business
Now get the fuck out of my way,
Before I put a bullet in your dumb head
And have your body dumped in the river
I said get the fuck out of my way!
You have the guts to push me, uh?
You are planning to commit a suicide, right?
Dude, I won’t let you do that
Coz you are already dead,
Poverty killed your other half
And it is about to take away the remaining half
In fact, you were born like that – half-dead,
A son of a pauper
Thanks to your uncle, Grinding Poverty!
The only blood brother of your father
And now you want me to stain my hands with your stinking blood?
I am not going to waste my bullet on a worthless thing like you
I would rather shoot a dog or a baboon
Yes I am a drunkard and so what?
What do you expect of a big boy like me,
A big boy whose father is the most powerful man around here?
We got all the money, man
In my house, we do not use toilet rolls
Toilet paper is a symbol of poverty
It indicates how poor one is
I tell you,
In my place, we wipe our asses with dollar bills,
Hundreds, to be specific
So, what comes to your mind?
All I do is drink,
Smoke weed, shisha, cigars and cigarettes,
So, how does my drinking concern you?
Or are you jealous of the liquor brand I am drinking?
Dude, this is called Cognac
I believe you can’t pronounce that, Mister Never-Been-To-School
Now read my lips again, ko-ni-ak
Cognac is a French brandy, fool
You have never tasted it,
And never shall you taste it
It’s very expensive, dude
It would cost you one of your kidneys to buy a cognac,
You broke ass motherfucker
I don’t even know why I am talking to you,
What do you mean, get a life?
Do I look like I got no life?
Look me in the eye
Check me out,
From my toes to the head;
My designer jeans, my UGG boots, my Heuer Carrera,
My dreadlocks, my tattoos, my iPhone, my drawers
Now tell me,
What life are you talking about?
I ride a Chrysler 300 C
I own two mansions,
One in Kampala, one in Nairobi,
Another in Sydney
I got millions of dollars in the bank
Isn’t that life?
I have been to many places,
Cities you have never dreamt of
I have been to Havana, Dublin, Oslo, Rio de Janeiro,
Jamaica, Buenos Aires, Atlanta, Lagos and Antananarivo,
To mention but Just a few
If it is about school,
Forget it, man
Yes I discontinued my studies
Because I saw no reason of learning
In fact, I shouldn’t have enrolled in school in the first place
School is for poor dudes like you
A vehicle for escaping beggary,
A means of keeping wretchedness at bay
For me, my destiny is set
From day one,
The very day I was planted in my mum’s womb
Like father like son,
In few years coming, I will be the president
Yes, I am a prospective Commander-in-Chief of armed forces,
The would-be controller of everything in this country
The heir of my father’s business empire
The inheritor of this country
And remember I don’t need scholastic crap to rule you
The fact that my father was once the president is enough
It mandates my future presidency
Automatically, it gives me all the qualities of a leader
Even if I don’t succeed my father,
I will succeed one of his protégés
Shortly before the end of his tenure,
Dad’s protégé will visit us in our family house
He will explain to mum and my uncles his intentions,
That it is about time I am groomed for presidency
Shut the fuck up!
And put that fake phone away
Let me finish
Yes, we will all welcome the good news
Immediately, we won’t wait to celebrate,
To pop bottles of champagne
This would bring my drinking,
And my smoking to a pause,
As I concentrate on the campaign trails
With my father known as a hero,
The former president,
The man of the people
It would not take that long to win voters’ admirations
The paupers who take pride in names,
Things that are devoid of meaning
Folks who scramble to submit in their votes for my presidential candidacy
With the sole hope of being rewarded with the crumbs
That fall off the table,
Hope that never materializes
By the way, this is the only time you’re considered valuable
During elections, we value you
You become a valuable customer,
A political customer
All we require from you is a vote
After that, we forget your ass until another election season
That’s how we do it
We, the born to rule
Who the hell are you people?
Let go of my arms
Stop pulling me
So you are cops, uh?
So, this filthy dude called cops on me?
And you idiots got the balls to lay your hands on me?
Silly smelly cops
You little rats,
You just got your asses fired
That, I promise you
Wait till my dad learns of this……..